This post is in the Musical Practice category

"Compromise" © C.Webber 2007

"Compromise" © C.Webber 2007

June 13 2007

At the point of near completion of the “Donkey in Lahore” documentary project, I have a number of things to report. The last minute changes are coming in as the music is layed-up against the picture, prompting several re-mixes and two completely new pieces. At this stage there really shouldn’t be any major changes and I find myself wanting to blame someone for wasting my time. I have found myself openly criticizing F’s handling of the timing of the project, to the extent that I decided to apologise to him. But there are other factors at work. As is common near the end of a project, I am experiencing a somewhat irrational but, deep sense of failure, depression and anger. Have I done a good enough job? I know that each of the pieces could have been much better, given time. I don’t know that I can really deliver what is required. I want to create work that is finished, complete, perfect. Are the director’s expectations reasonable? Have I misled him somehow? Are my expectations reasonable? I should have put aside my life to do this work instead of trying to juggle teaching, studying etc – it seems to be like this every time – I misjudge what is possible, try to do too much, end up with everyone feeling compromised. But there’s not enough money in it to live on.

Post Script

“Donkey” was very successful, gaining entry to over thirty international film festivals to critical and popular acclaim. The music was fine.

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